I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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