I wanna bring you to show and tell
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
