I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
