The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
