You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
