i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
