I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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