I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
