i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
