then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
