Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
