my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
