Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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