I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
