He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
