My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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