so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
