I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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