If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
