Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
