No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
