dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
