I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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