My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
