dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
