at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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