Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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