Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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