You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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