I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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