Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
