3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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