then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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