i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We need to rekindle our bromance
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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