I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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