I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
