I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
