I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
