Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
