I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
