He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
