she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
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