wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Randomize
