Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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