i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
