we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
