And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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