Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
