Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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