do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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