it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I AM VODKA MAN
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
