What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
